What Do You Do Once You Know?

January 11th was national Human Trafficking Awareness day.  
I thought that it would be a good day to finally wrap up my trip to Las Vegas.
And it would have been.
But I didn't.
I was thinking about it, and I am simply having a hard time finding the words to sum up the trip.
I know many of you are waiting for me to write about "the thing".  You want to know what I took away from this trip, You want to know what God revealed to me through my experiences, you want to know what I think the core of the trip was about, you want to know what I think I am going to do now.
I do to.
In truth I am struggling with trying to figure out what the purpose of me going on this trip really was. 
I am struggling to figure out what I do now.
Sometimes I'm just struggling with all this knowledge I now have.

I mentioned before that I didn't go looking for this trip.  It was brought to me. 
I didn't go looking for this cause.  It was brought to me.
I didn't want to know what I know now.  
But I do.
So I am struggling to know what God's plan for me and this cause is.
What does he want a rural house wife and home schooling mom to do with people involved in human trafficking?
I have been praying, and was praying the entire time that I was away about this.  I feel like this isn't supposed to be a one time thing.  Once you know, once you've seen the faces of trafficking victims, you can't, you shouldn't, just walk away and pretend it doesn't happen.
You cannot sit at the same table and talk to a mother who has lost a daughter to this predator, and see the pain in her eyes,  and just walk away.  
You can't  break bread with women who have come out of the life and hear their stories of redemption and restoration and just forget.
You can't know that all around the world, possibly probably even in your own town, there are girls who are being forced to service 'johns' into the darkest hours of the night while you sleep safely in the comfort of your own bed, and just walk away.

That would be wrong.
So very wrong.

That would be unjust.
But it is an impossible problem.  
There is no way to stop it.
I mean, if there was no demand for illicit sex, then we could stop it.  If there was no sexual sin in the world then we could put an end to it. 
But that isn't going to happen on this side of heaven.
So here is what I know.  
Here is one thing that I think I have figured out through all of this.
This is what I think I should try and do:
The only way to truly save a life, is to prevent a child/woman/man from becoming a victim of sex trafficking.
Because once a person has been sexually abused, even if they are rescued from the situation, their life has been altered.  They will have painful issues to work through.  There will be   memories to forget and emotions to heal.  They will need to come to the place where they can forgive their abuser.  
They won't be the same as they would have been. 
Even with the gift of God's amazing, wonderful, powerful love, if they choose to accept it, they will have to work through the consequences of their abuse.
Without God's love, I am not sure that there is even much hope of a true healing.
With God's love I know that much is possible.  God is the great physician not just of bodies but of hearts.  I have looked in the eyes of women who have suffered much, who have been battered and abused, both by their own hands and the hands of others.  I have seen in them what God can do with a life that was tattered and torn, wrecked and bleeding, ruined beyond what they thought could be repaired.  
I have seen his redemption in their eyes and it is so sweet.  It is so amazing!  Even thinking of it now brings tears to my eyes!  Oh what God can do with a person who chooses to surrender to his love!
But I would choose, if I could, to spare them the pain they went through.  I feel we owe it to our children to try and keep them safe.  To attempt to protect them from the kind of pain that evil people can inflict on their lives.  
Because that's the truth.  People who traffic and abuse others,  are evil.
So here is what I can do, and you too:  
Get educated.
Spread the word.
Save a life.

It sounds simple and maybe it is.  But it isn't easy.  I haven't enjoyed gaining this knowledge.  Many people will avoid this topic because of the sensitive content or vulgar truth.  Let's face it, there is nothing nice or pretty about trafficking.  It's ugly! But it is time for all of us to stop turning a blind eye to the evil that is happening all around us.  
It's time to stand up for the truth.

How? 
Here are a few simple things:
*Don't act like it wouldn't happen in your town.  It does and is.
*Don't think that all women choose to be prostitutes or porn stars. Many of them didn't. 
*Don't think that the women are in it for the money and they like to do what they are doing - most of them don't.  
Most women are being mentally manipulated by an evil pimp.  
Most women who are prostitutes have been sexually abused as children.  The emotional ramifications of that abuse has made them easier to prey upon as young women. 
*Don't buy sex - not magazines, not movies,not the phone, not the Internet, and not women
*Don't give your kids unlimited access to the Internet
   (the average age of a boys first exposure to pornography is         age 11)
*Don't avoid the hard topics at home.  Talk to your kids. 
*Don't forget to teach your kids how valuable they are in God's eyes.  Teach them how much he loves them!
*Don't forget to tell your kids every day that you love them. Show it with your actions too. 
*Don't think it couldn't happen to your kid/family.  It can happen to anyone.
*Don't avoid being educated on this topic, it is to your benefit to be aware.
*Don't forget to be compassionate to women who are in the sex industry.  They are someones daughter, mother, friend, or sister.  
*Don't forget that God loves them as much as he loves you.  Share his love with them.
*Don't be afraid to share your knowledge with others.  You might just save a life.

I know there is a lot to think about here.
I know that this is an unpleasant subject.
But I believe that together, we can make a difference.
We can save a life.

No, I don't know what God wants me to do - exactly - with all the information I have.  I don't know where he wants me to get involved here at home.  I don't know what it is supposed to look like.
I am going to continue to pray and see what God wants.    
I will look for the opportunities as they come.  
I will do what I can.  
I won't forget.
And God will continue to do his work all throughout the world using people like me.  
Using people like you.  
People who are willing to take up the cross and share the gospel of Christ by loving one person at a time in the name of Jesus.

Begin & End With Prayer

We began Friday with prayer.

In Vegas there is a weekly scheduled prayer meeting.
The workers in the non-profits, Christians in the government system, Pastors,  and people who are passionate about ending human trafficking gather together in prayer. 
They unify and become a stronger force against the evil that has penetrated the city, infiltrated the world, when they join together and take their concerns and requests before the throne of God. 
It's a time of giving thanks, entreaty, and restoration. 
A time of building each other up and empowering one another to go out into the world and tear down evil. 
It is probably the most powerful weapon a Christian can wield.
Prayer changes things.
Because God works through prayer.

 We met Rachel and Caroline there that morning.  They would be joining us that day for our adventure out to Pahrump and our brothel visits.  Each of them has their own amazing testimony that they shared with us as we got to know them throughout the day.  Each of these women had been a lost, broken and hurt woman in their past.  They had each been through some really hard life experiences, they knew first hand the damage and hurt that comes from a lifestyle of prostitution and gang living. But most importantly, they had each experienced the redemption and love of Jesus Christ in their lives.  These women are now passionately serving Jesus and are singing his praises in so many ways.  It was amazing and wonderful to listen to them and hear what God had done in each of their lives. He has restored years that were stripped away. He has restored relationships that were broken and hurting. He has healed their hearts, healed their lives.

Rachel is on the far left, Caroline is next to her in the white shirt.

 After eating at In-n-Out Burger for the first time in my life, we left Las Vegas for Pahrump. In-n-Out burger is owned by Christians and they print bible verse references on their cups and burger wrappers and stuff.

We were driving out to Pahrump to meet with Kay, a sprightly woman in her 70's, who along with her friend Lupe has had a ministry traveling to the brothels throughout Nevada.  Lupe was unable to join us, but Kay dedicated her afternoon to meeting with us, telling us about their ministry and then guiding us to 2 of the brothels we visited.

 We first met at the park to chat and learn more about Kay and the ministry she and Lupe have.  She is a lively woman who has dedicated much of her time and money to love on the women who work in the brothels.  Her and Lupe have been, for the past five years, driving a circuit of over 1000 miles to visit most of the 24 brothels in the state.  They do it in 3 days time.  They stop at the brothels, talk to the women working there, give them small gifts, encourage them, and love them. Recently, a couple of new women have come alongside of them in their ministry and now they have been able to turn over a few of the brothels to these new women. This is enabling them to shorten their own drive time and make the trip easier. Kay grieves not being able to see all of the girls each month, but she is ready to step back a little, since it has been a lot to handle.  She would love it if someone would come along who would be their driver, because they love the ministry, but the drive is getting to be very challenging for two ladies their age.
I was very inspired to meet Kay and hear her passion and love for these women.  It is refreshing to meet someone who is retired but understands that you don't retire from serving God.  I loved seeing someone her age that was actively serving in a vital ministry.  What I saw up close is how much the women at the brothels love and respect Kay.  Her ministry is vital.  There are not many people beating down the doors to a brothel to simply build relationships with the women and love them like Jesus loves them.  Her approach to sharing the gospel is subtle.  It takes time.  It requires trust.  She isn't there to tell them that what they are doing is sinful and wrong.  They already know that.  They feel the shame of their profession.  You can tell especially in the women who refuse to show their face in their pictures.  Kay isn't there to add to their shame, she is there to share the love of Christ.
We went with her to visit two brothels and then we went to a third without her later on that night.
The reason we had to drive over an hour away is because although brothels are legal in Nevada, they aren't legal in the same county as Las Vegas. 
This was not an easy part of the trip for me.  I have never pictured myself walking into a brothel in my life! I was really nervous about the whole thing and asked my room mate Sarah for some tips.  It wasn't just the uncomfortable atmosphere I imagined I would encounter inside, it was the fear that I wouldn't be able to comfortably talk to the girls. You should understand that I am chronically bad at small talk.  Although we work at a camp and I meet strangers all the time, I really struggle with keeping a conversation going if my first three prepared questions don't get the ball rolling well enough.  It usually dissolves into an uncomfortable silence where I either look for any reason to excuse myself or hope that the other person thinks of something to say.  Soon.
My roomie Sarah helped me to learn something new about myself.  I have always considered myself to be an extrovert.  I like being around people and have no problem speaking in front of a group.  However, certain situations have always struck fear into my heart and as I was asking my roomie for some pointers (she has a ministry to the strip clubs in her home town) she told me I was an introvert. An introvert! I've never been called that in my life! But it makes perfect sense when I'm in certain situations.  So I have recently dubbed myself an introverted-extrovert and I understand myself a little better now.
Which doesn't really help me miraculously become good at small talk, so I decided to pray.
Can I tell you that God answered! 
He will equip you to do that which he calls you to do!
You know, I don't really ever want to go into a brothel again. In fact, I wish they would all spontaniously combust (with no one in them of course) But I now know that I can, and I know I will, if God wants me to.



That's our friend Rachels 15 passenger van with the words Christian and Church painted in bold letters on the sides.



The brothels themselves are like a beautifully decorated cake that looks really delicious and tasty on the outside but when you cut into it, anticipating a bite of yummy, moist, sweet, chocolate goodness, you discover that it was actually just a cardboard form covered in frosting. 

Did you know that most brothels give free tours? 

Yep, they do.

I was thinking that they might think it was wierd that a large group of women showed up wanting a tour, we had 11 people in our group, but they didn't bat an eye when we all walked in. Partly, I know, because Kay was with us and they recognized her. I'd love to know what they were saying when we all left!

At the first place we were given a tour by a pretty young girl called Miami.  The girls never use their real names.  She was undaunted by our large group and in fact seemed happy for the diversion.  There were only 2 girls and a bartender working and no 'johns' in the place but it was only late afternoon.  She gave us a look at the rooms, most brothels like to have different rooms with different themes to offer their customers.  This particular brothel was not as well done as the other two we visited. As if that matters.

What did matter though was all Miami had to tell us.  She seemed very uninhibited and open.  Her reason for working there was because she wanted to have a breast enhancement proceedure.  However, her babies daddy said he wouldn't pay for something she didn't need.  So she decided to earn money by working at the brothel. As she talked to us more and more I had a hard time believing that was the whole truth behind the story.  Miami works at the brothel for 3 weeks at a time.  She stays at the brothel that whole time. But back home in Vegas, she has 3 kids.  She regailed us with story after story of her children, her 5 year old daughter sounds like an adorable little fire cracker. We also learned that her and her boyfriend and kids moved here from Milwaukee WI.  She talked to us for over an hour. It was evident that she loves her children and takes delight in them.  What mom would spend 3 weeks away from her kids, one week at home and then leave again for 3 weeks, continuously repeating that cycle, if they just want money for a boob job?

Doesn't sound right to me.

Some of the women working in the brothels also have pimps waiting for them at home.

Pray for Miami.  She needs to know the love of Jesus. She needs to see how much she is worth to Him. She needs to understand just how much he loves her and would do anything to bring her to himself. Even send a couple of 70 year old women to brothels, just for her.

Pray for Kay.  Pray that she would be able to build a relationship with Miami that would allow her to share the source of the love she is already bringing with her each time she visits that brothel. 

Pray.

Learn More - Do More

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Casa De Luz

When we finished our Q & A with Det. Baughman, Terra brought us over to a neighborhood called Naked City.  It used to be one of the highest crime area's in the city of Las Vegas.  Drugs, murder, prostitution, theft, you  name it, they probably had it.  But then Casa De Luz moved in.  Since they began their ministry to the people in this neighborhood, crime has dropped down to a 20% rating and the streets are much safer.

However, it doesn't mean that the lives of the people who live here are any less hard.  This neighborhood is very impoverished.  Most of what we drove past looked abandoned and broken down.  Casa De Luz actually took up residence in an abandoned apartment complex.  They only have part of it up and running at this point thanks to a generous donation from a philanthropist in the city.  But they have plans for more.  What they do here is distribute food to the hungry and homeless.  More importantly than that, they distribute the love of Jesus to whoever walks through the gate.

When you enter Casa, you walk into a courtyard.  This is also the church.  It is beautiful in it's rugged simplicity. The murals reflect the Glory of God.  It is peaceful and serene.  A refuge in a harsh place.

When we first stopped by, Terra told us we were going to see if they needed help with anything.  At first I was taken off guard, maybe I was suffering from jet lag.  At least that's what I'm gonna call it.

However, when we were done with our tour and our talk with Pastor Ryan, there was no work for us to do. I left feeling bereft.  I caught some of the vision of the place and wanted to put my hands to the task of helping out.

Part of the mission statement of Casa, that I copied from their website: www.casadelzlasvegas.org is this:

Casa de Luz also serves as an outreach center for churches throughout the United States. For Christians seeking to get out of their comfort zones and serve on the front lines in a way that transforms lives, Casa de Luz provides a myriad of outreach and missions opportunities. We have been blessed with the respect and support of many prominent leaders within our local government, business community, faith community and law enforcement; and we have partnered alongside them in events aimed at providing assistance and hope to the poor of Las Vegas.

After having visited, and met two of their pastors, I am pretty confident that I can recommend this place as an awesome mission trip opportunity for a youth group, college group, or even a family.

We were warmly received by Pastor Ryan even though we had no appointment.  And although we didn't get to meet Pastor Chris that day, we did meet up with him on Saturday night.  Pastor Chris is the main pastor, and Pastor Ryan is his father-in-law. I believe that Pastor Ryan told us that there were actually 5 or 6 pastors that worked with Casa De Luz. Pastor Ryan shared some cool stories with us, showed us around and made us feel welcome.  I would enjoy going back some day to volunteer and work alongside of the people there. They really seem to understand the Christian's calling to get out and do something to help others.

The people of Casa de Luz are doing hard things, being obedient to the call, and loving others, loving the broken, the addicted, the dirty, and the lost in Jesus name.

I'm so glad we were able to see what they do, in a very small part, and how they operate.  I will be keeping them on my prayer list as they continue to be engaged in this battle.

Will you consider joining me? Casa De Luz relies on donations from others to keep operating. The people who use their services are often too poor to donate money themselves.  They rely on a volunteer work force to distribute food and other supplies. The pastors and volunteers are often putting themselves in dangerous places to witness to others and they are surrounded and aware of the spiritual warfare going on all around.  

Let's do our part and hold our brothers and sisters in Christ up in prayer. 

Redemption in Old Vegas

The first day we landed in Vegas we had a meeting with one of Vegas' best, Detective Chris Baughman. 

Why is he one of the best? 
Well, Det. Baughman has made it his personal mission to do whatever it takes to rescue trafficked women from the streets of Las Vegas.  Along with his Lieutenant Karen Hughes and his fellow detectives Gethoefer and Beas, they form the P.I.T. Also known as the Pandering Investigative Team.  Together these men and this woman do their best to rid the streets of the evil men that abuse and enslave women across the city.  They are setting a precedent for other Vice units across the country and doing whatever it takes to make this a safer city.  If Las Vegas is safer, then it will eventually impact the entire world.

We met up with Detective Baughman at a popular cop cafe called "The Beat".  It was a hip little coffee shop on Fremont street which is located in what's known as Old Vegas. 

Old Vegas is also considered a 'track' which means it's an area known for a high rate of prostitution, drugs,  and other illegal activities.

The Beat serves up some tasty food and coffee.

I had the chicken salad sandwich.

 

We got to sit down with Det. Baughman for a candid Q & A.  We were really honored that he would take so much time out of his busy schedule to talk to us. 

Oh, you may be wondering how we knew of Det Baughman before we came.  Well, in preparation for this trip, it was recommended that we read the book he wrote.  That's right, not only is he beating down the bad guys, but he's writing books about his experiences to raise awareness of the truth about what's happening on the streets.

His book is called Off The Street, Prostitution Is Not A Victimless Crime.

It is a fast read and it is riveting if you can handle the truth of these horrible crimes. The book is a bit graphic. However, it's because he doesn't sugar coat anything and he quotes his fellow detectives directly without cleaning up their language. So there are quite a few 'F' bombs to weed through.  But what you need to remember is that this is an actual, true story, a live account. The awful details he mentions really happened to a woman, and they happen to other women all over the world.   

Detective Baughman has written his second book already, which hasn't been released quite yet.  I believe he also said he was contracted for a third too.  So keep your eyes peeled.

I have so much respect for Detective Baughman and his team.  I am so thankful that they work so hard and sacrifice so much at their jobs.

Our group also had the privilege of meeting Lieutenant Karen Hughes.  She is a one of a kind woman.  She attended a prayer meeting that was hosted by FREE International. The purpose of the prayer meeting is to bring together various Christians and non-profits across the city for prayer over the issue of human trafficking both in Las Vegas and the rest of the world. This prayer group meets every Friday.

I was able to snapa paparazzi style picture of her Lt. Hughes.  Even though the interaction I had with her was brief, I was impressed with her compassion and genuineness. The burden she carries for this city and for the children and women in it was evident on her face.  Each time I had an occasion to look her way my eyes filled with tears.  Thankfully, I had an opportunity to give her a hug and try and offer some small measure of encouragement.

I would ask all of you to remember Det. Baughman and Lt. Hughes in your prayers. These people are the real deal. They are Christians, doing what it takes to "act justly, love mercy and walk humbly" and love others in Jesus name. They are on the front lines of the battle. I have no doubt they are all willing to lay down their life in order to save one of the enslaved and broken girls on the streets of their city.

There are some exciting things happening in Vegas. 

There are some really good people making it happen with God's help. You can help too by being prayer warriors for these street warriors. 

I know I'll be praying.

Airborne

 This is me on the plane this morning. Self portraits don't look so good when you get up at four in the morning. Please give a tired girl some grace. Besides, the lighting was terrible - that's why the bags under my eyes look so bad. :)

Here are the ladies I am working with this week.  From left to right we have Lisa, the Wisconsin state representative for FREE International. Then we have Kristina (I may have just butchered the spelling of her name), Jacki, and Sarah. They are a great group of women that are passionate about God's love and about helping women trapped in the sex slave trade and other seemingly hopeless situations.

We landed safely in Vegas about a half an hour before our scheduled arrival time. 
We definitely hit the ground running. 
The weather is beautiful, the city is vast and bright and there is so much to see around every corner.
I would sum up today with one word: education. 
We talked to a lot of people who are fighting human trafficking and learned a lot today. Plus, there is a lot more to come.  I'll share some of the things we did today more specifically later, but since I woke up at 4:00 this morning and it is already 12:15 at home, and that's the clock my body is still on, this girl is going to get some sleep. We have another big day ahead of us tomorrow. 
Below are some of my thoughts from earlier today while I was on the plane. 
I hope you enjoy them. Keep praying fellow warriors. God is at work already on our little trip and I can't wait to see more.
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Gazing out of the window of the airplane I can see mountain tops. Given the direction I am flying they can only be my beloved Rockies. Isn’t it funny how the snow covered peaks that have loomed high above me and made me feel small, are now the thing that looks so small from where I rest high in the air? They are still majestically beautiful. Even from this height, they stretch across the continent farther than my eye can see. I wonder, based on our flight pattern, if I have ever driven through this particular stretch of the Rockies. I wonder if I have seen some of the roads and paths that snake in and around the mountain peaks that I am so quickly flying over the top of. I have to admit, the mountains are much more alluring to drive through than fly over. How can a different perspective make something so grand come across as relatively unimpressive?

I am so thankful that has never happened with God.

Already on this mission trip I have seen Him intervene and show up. Even in the little things. I may have had to spend $8 on Afrin, but it was there and I can breathe easily through the altitude changes, not suffering from severe sinus pain that this head cold is trying to inflict on me. And who knew that airlines overbook their flights consistently? I have never flown on a plane that was completely booked before. But this one is.

Now give me a minute and allow me my provincial moment. I was feeling a little like the hick from the sticks this morning. Here’s the story:
Please remember, it has been quite some time since I was on a commercial airplane. Thinking back I’m having a hard time remembering when the last time I flew was. It has to have been over 5 years ago. Anyway, in all the wonderful e-mails the airline sent me regarding my upcoming flight, I missed the part that told me I could check in online 24 hours ahead of time. Showing up at the airport over an hour before your flight and checking your bags in, apparently doesn’t guarantee you a seat on the plane. Who knew? No worries, I did get on my flight; however one of the women traveling with me only made it because someone volunteered to give up their seat. Now, explain this system to me: Sell out more seats than you have on the plane. Then hope some people don’t show up. But if they do all happen to show up, you let people volunteer to wait for the next flight and you give them a free airline ticket to use at a future date. However, if my travel companion had not been able to make it on the flight, and I wanted to stay back with her so that she wouldn’t be alone, I would have to pay for another ticket. ???? Does this make sense to anyone?

Anyway, God is good and thanks to a couple of guys who wanted a free flight at a later date, we are all on the plane flying over the Rocky Mountains destined for Las Vegas. Maybe I’ll call Troy and tell him I am volunteering on the way home if the opportunity arises. I wouldn’t mind a free plane ticket. We’ll worry about that later though. There are probably not going to be as many people trying to fly back to Wisconsin as there are flying to Vegas anyway.

Reader, in case you aren’t aware, I am on my way to Las Vegas for a mission trip with FREE International. The plan is to learn more about human trafficking right here in America and make some contacts with women who are in the profession of prostitution. There’s going to be a lot going on that I don’t even know yet.

Let me tell you, when I prayed and asked God to let me go on a mission trip this year, this is not the one I had in mind. I was thinking I might take my oldest son on a trip onto South America or the Dominican Republic to work at an orphanage or something. I really want to expose my children to life outside the United States and to missions on a first hand basis, but that is a topic for another time. Anyway, God has a sense of humor, this I know. You see, I have a genetic predisposition to having wanderlust and a love of traveling. Because of that, when I have an opportunity to travel, I don’t like to go to the same place twice if I don’t have to. So God, being who he is, and having the sense of humor that he does, and loving me the way he does, answered my prayer with a yes. Only he is gently reminding me that his ways are better than my ways and he has a greater plan than I do. So he answered my prayer and my desires all in one trip. I am traveling to a place I have never been and I am serving God on a mission trip.

Maybe I shouldn’t say it, but the irony is I have never really wanted to spend any time in Las Vegas. Oh, I’ve talked about driving down the strip just to see it (I kinda want to see everything), but I’ve never wanted to spend any time there. And I wanted to go on a mission trip serving God with the gifts he has given me, only this trip is far beyond what I could have imagined for myself. I would have to admit that God has me moving way outside of my comfort zone on this one. Not only will I be spending time in “sin city” but I will also be spending time immersed with the people participating in the ‘sin’. I’ll be in the shady parts of town meeting women I would never have had the inclination to meet on my own. Now listen up, I don’t think I am better than the women who make a living out on the streets or in the Brothels, but for reals, I am scared of them and their lifestyle. I have no way to relate. No idea what they go through, no idea what to say, no idea how to act. People remember, I don’t watch the local news because I don’t want to hear about the evil taking place around me. I’m not comfortable with nudity in any way. I have probably been called a prude more than one time in my life. And I have a hard time relating to people that are different than me when it comes to our core beliefs. I also don’t know how to make small talk. Like, I’m really bad. And, I am a really bad faker. I am like a fish out of water on this trip.

But that’s okay.

You see God has brought me here. He has paved the way, and he will see me through. He has placed me in the perfect position to stand aside and watch him do his thing. Will he use me? Of course he will. But there will be no doubt that whatever is accomplished through my time here is done by his hand. I will leave knowing that God is great and I am not. So will everyone that I encounter in the next 4 days.

So even though I will no doubt be uncomfortable at times on this trip, I am just where I want to be:

In God’s hands.